Being Whitney (Book one of the Being Series): A Young Adult Novel Read online

  How’d workouts with your dad go? Leif text her around four. She’d been trying to do homework without much success.

  I couldn’t focus. He wasn’t happy. She text back.

  Sorry. Why couldn’t you focus?

  Was he serious? Whitney wondered. He couldn’t be.

  Just had an eventful night she typed out. She deleted it.

  Lots on my mind – send. There be cryptic. Make him say something first.

  Like what?

  Now he had to be kidding. He had to. But what if he wasn’t. What if he kissed lots of girls? What if last night was not a big deal to him? Whatever. She had to ask.

  Like you.

  Ah….I hear lots of girls find me very difficult to get off of their minds.

  Normally Whitney loved the joking, but right now she couldn’t tell if it was serious and she needed to know before she went crazy.

  Did Ivy say anything to you today? Whitney asked.

  Besides barking orders about what chores I hadn’t done? No. Why? Did you tell her about last night?

  Oh, no reason. No I didn’t. I didn’t tell anyone.

  Good.

  Whitney didn’t want the drama of other people finding out, but she also didn’t want to be the girl he was ashamed of. Now though, it might be too late for that, she thought as a wave of sadness overwhelmed her.

  By six she couldn’t shake the heaviness she was feeling. She was mad at her dad, she was mad at Leif, she was mad at herself. She decided friends were needed and invited over everyone. Will couldn’t make it but the other five showed up around 7 and they took over the den.

  Ivy acted weird the entire time. It was the first time she’d been to Whitney’s house and Whitney tried to convince herself that was to blame for the cold shoulder, but part of her knew it had to do with Leif. Whitney tried to just ignore it. She had these friends over to forget about Leif, she wasn’t going to let Ivy suck her back in.

  “We should watch a movie! What do you guys want to watch?” Brynley asked as she browsed Netflix on the TV.

  “Lord of the Rings!” shouted Everley.

  “No,” was the immediate reply from Whitney and Brynley, who looked at each other and laughed.

  “Harry Potter,” Ivy declared when she saw it pass by on the screen and everyone gave in. It was a decent compromise.

  Whitney went to get more soda and returned to find all of the furniture full. Ivy sat in the far chair, Brynley, James and Jesse were spread out across the couch and Everley sat in the second chair.

  “Here, we can squeeze,” Jesse said, scooting against the arm of the couch, making a sliver of room between himself and Brynley. Whitney thought about it for a fraction of a second, remembered Leif’s last text and threw all of her judgment out the window. She squeezed in and Jesse threw his blanket over her. She leaned against Jesse aware he would never want to hide her away. She felt dirty flirting with them both but then reminded herself Leif was just a tease who would never tell anyone if he actually did like her and that sitting with Jesse did not mean she loved him. With those weak rationalizations she shook off her conscious and snuggled in.

  Throughout the movie Jesse tickled and flirted with Whitney and she didn’t try too hard to stop it. It felt nice and safe, unlike any touch from Leif.

  Near the end of the movie Whitney untangled herself from Jesse and went to the bathroom. When she left, still fixing her hair, she nearly ran into Ivy in the hallway. She was looking at the pictures lining the short hallway and only turned to face Whitney when she was directly beside her.

  “What are you doing?” Ivy asked

  “Going back to the den??” Whitney said. “You?”

  Ivy ignored the question and stared at Whitney for a second before continuing.

  “Jesse is my friend, has been since second grade. He’s sweet and kind and thinks you hung the moon.”

  Whitney opened her mouth to reply, but Ivy continued.

  “Leif is my big brother. He may appear all superstar athlete and girl magnet, but he’s sensitive and he’s been through a lot in the last few years.”

  Again, she continued before Whitney could say she knew all of that.

  “You appear to be on a path that will rip both of their hearts out and while you’re my friend, you just moved here so when this hits the fan, I will side with them and I will take Bryn and Evey with me.”

  Now Whitney stood in shock, unsure how to respond.

  “I don’t know what you think is going on, but I’m not planning to hurt either of them. Jesse and I are just friends, and he knows that,” Whitney said finally.

  “Does he?” Ivy asked.

  “Yeah, he does. I mean he should. I haven’t done anything to make him think otherwise.” As the words came out Whitney realized how ridiculous they sounded after the way she’d spent the last hour.

  “And I have no idea how you think I’m going to hurt Leif,” Whitney played dumb. She didn’t expect it to work at this point. Ivy obviously knew something.

  “I know Leif got you those Val-A-Grams and I know you didn’t go home last night, you went to my house. I saw you guys leaving. I’m not sure how you two advanced to spending sneaky nights in his room already, but apparently you did. So right now you’re playing them both.”

  “I’m not playing anyone!” Whitney said. The idea was actually humorous to her.

  “Nothing is going on with Leif,” she continued. “I was upset last night because of my dad and he asked if I wanted to hang out so I did. I didn’t want everyone making a big deal about it so I lied. I’m sorry. But nothing happened. Nothing is happening.”

  Ivy’s face told Whitney she wasn’t buying it.

  “I’m your friend, and I want to be your friend, but you can’t hurt two of the guys that mean the most to me. Just figure it out before it’s too late,” Ivy said before turning around and going back to the den. Whitney stood in the hallway trying to come up with a way to return to the room without sitting with Jesse again. She’d wanted tonight to make her feel better, and it had until now.

  She went back in and sat with Jesse, giving into the circumstances more than anything. Ivy shot her a judgmental look but said nothing. Whitney tried to focus on the movie and squish any flirting. When the movie ended she claimed she was tired and everyone called their parents for rides home. Not ten minutes after they’d left she got a text from Jesse.

  Is there something going on with us?

  Whitney wanted to die. Part of her felt like Ivy had put him up to asking her, but she couldn’t be sure. How did she do this? How did she say no without ruining their friendship?

  I love hanging out with you and think you’re so fun, but right now I think we should just stay friends.

  Yeah. Me too. Just checking. Night.

  His response was too fast. He was sad. But he’d closed it and Whitney didn’t have anything amazing to say if he hadn’t. At least now he knew, she thought.

  ◆◆◆

  The next week brought more of the same.

  Jesse walked around trying, but failing, to hide his heartbreak. He’d told James, who had told Brynley, who had told Everley and they’d all questioned Whitney about it.

  “Why’d you have to crush his dreams?” James asked.

  “I think you should give him a chance. You’d be so great together. You guys were so cute Saturday night,” Brynley pleaded.

  “I agree with Brynley, but if you don’t like him at least you told him,” Everley said.

  Eva went on a warpath in yearbook and literally ripped up the story Whitney and Everley had worked on for the past three weeks. Then she publicly humiliated Whitney by telling everyone how awful the story had been and how they didn’t have time for dumb people like Whitney in class. In a dream world Leif would have stood up for her, but this wasn’t a dream world and beyond a sympathy smile, he did nothing.

  The workouts continued as they had for the month previous. They pushed each other, they worked out hard, they had fun while they wer
e doing it and then Leif drove Whitney home. Every single day she thought about touching him. Something small just to initiate it. Pretend he had something on his face or brush something off of his shorts, but each day they’d arrive at her house before she worked up the courage to do it. Then started the even worse dilemma, was he going to kiss her. They’d pull in and she’d wait, probably longer than she should have, for him to make another move. By Thursday she’d resorted to just hoping he’d brush her cheek or even playfully punch her before she got out of the car. Anything to show some affection, some kind of connection. But day by day there was nothing.

  The following week was the run up to state playoffs and both the girls and the boys won their play-in games over the weekend, which qualified them for the tournament. Whitney spent the week trying to stay sane between the daily calls from her dad and whatever was going on with Leif. By Tuesday evening she was already over it. Half way through their workout Leif stole the ball, walked over to the side of the gym and sat down. Whitney stared at him irritated.

  “Come sit,” he said patting the floor next to him.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Come sit down for a minute,” he said.

  “We need to be working out Leif. State is in two days.”

  “Whitney,” he pleaded, “will you just come talk to me for a minute.”

  Whitney honestly didn’t want to. She was frustrated with everything, including him, but his plea was accompanied by a dimple, which she couldn’t resist, so she slowly made her way over and sat next to him wrapping her arms around her knees.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  “With what?” she asked.

  “With you,” he said pushing her hair behind her ear so he could see her and giving her the physical touch she’d waited a week for, but no longer wanted.

  “I’m stressed out,” she said.

  “About what?” he asked.

  She picked up her head from her knees and turned to look at him. “Why are you asking? Why do you care?” she said.

  Leif looked surprised. “I care, because I care about you.”

  Whitney stared at him confused. “When? When we’re here? When we’re alone?”

  “I care about you all the time Whitney,” he said picking at the ball in his hands.

  “Okay,” Whitney said shaking her head.

  “I do Whitney. It’s just complicated. You know that,” he said.

  “Yeah. I know that,” Whitney said immediately seeing Eva in her mind.

  “Come here,” he said pulling her close. “I like you. I just don’t want you to get dragged into the ridiculousness of my life.”

  Whitney had no idea what he meant, but his embrace sent a wash of calm over her, regardless of the fact that his words put very little to rest.

  “And you’re gonna do great this weekend. I know it. You’re ready,” he said before she could ask him to elaborate just a little on his cryptic statement.

  She just nodded.

  “The chances are probably better if we put in a little more work though,” she said. She grabbed the ball from his lap and dribbled around him until he gave in and joined her.

  “Tomorrow’s our last workout,” Leif said while driving Whitney home. Whitney hadn’t thought about it, but he was right. Basketball would be over after the weekend and thus so would their afternoons together. A wave of sadness took over her.

  “That sucks,” she said.

  “We’ll still hang out,” he said.

  Whitney just nodded.

  When they reached her house he reached over and put his hand on her face. “Tomorrow isn’t the end Whitney,” he said and then he leaned over and kissed her on the lips. She smiled as he pulled away.

  “Okay,” she said before heading into her house, her lips still wet from his and her mind cloudier than ever before.

  Whitney went into Wednesday determined to make the most of their last work out. When she reached the gym after practice though, she found the wrong Smyth waiting for her.

  Jasmine sat on the stage looking too ready for a confrontation. Whitney instinctively looked towards the boys’ locker room and willed Leif not to come in until she was gone.

  “You should probably go home and get some rest before the tournament. Not much more we can do in the gym at this point,” Jasmine said.

  “I just want to shoot some free-throws. My mom’s running late,” Whitney said picking up her ball and heading towards the basket, trying hard to act like Jasmine’s presence wasn’t a big deal. “What are you doing here so late?” she asked over her shoulder.

  “Oh, I’m just waiting for Leif,” she said casually, too casually for Whitney to believe it wasn’t planned.

  Whitney turned to look at her. What was Jasmine doing? She scanned the gym again, was Eva hiding somewhere? She tried to stay cool. “Is he coming to the gym?”

  Jasmine smiled a slow, sly smile and stared at Whitney before speaking. “I think we both know he stays after practice a lot.” She said it with sass, with a definite tone Whitney didn’t even know how to counter, but she had to try.

  She returned to her free-throws before saying, with her back to Jasmine, “Nah, I didn’t know that.”

  She turned around when she heard Jasmine jump off the stage. Jasmine walked straight towards Whitney stopping less than a foot away. Okay, thought Whitney, Leif can come in now. She even looked to the door again praying it would open.

  “Then why do you keep looking towards the boys’ locker room?” Jasmine asked.

  “I don’t.” Whitney knew her lies were getting weaker. Jasmine was scary this close. She could kill Whitney right now and no one would know. Did the gym have cameras?

  “I’m not the idiot here Whitney. You are.” Jasmine walked over and picked up a ball before continuing. “I knew he was staying after to work-out, but I honestly thought it was alone, as he told me.”

  She paused between sentences to look at Whitney. This ‘calm’ Jasmine was actually scarier than the mean one. Whitney tried to develop an escape plan.

  “Then there were the mystery Val-A-Grams you received, with the cute basketball references. It took Eva and me about a second to recognize the hand-writing.”

  Whitney looked around for Eva again. She had to be here. Behind the curtains on the stage maybe?

  “Why was my brother sending you valentines? Sure, you caught his attention earlier this year, and he humored you by hanging out at the beach, but why would he feel so close to you that he’d send you more valentines than your little freshman boyfriend Jesse?”

  Whitney’s stomach clinched at the mention of Jesse. Could we leave Jesse out of this?

  “So, I enlisted the help of my little sister. Sweet, pleasing Ivy. She’s always looked up to me and it only took a short speech on looking out for family for her to spill that she saw you leaving our house late at night after the north game.”

  Damn her, Whitney thought.

  “So I thought and I thought, when could he be spending time with you? Then it hit me.” She held up her arms and spun around for a dramatic effect. “Here.”

  “Nothing’s going on. We’ve been working out together. That’s it,” Whitney said. She felt angry inside. Jasmine was ruining everything this had been.

  “Really?? FIVE Val-A-Grams, lying to your friends so you can sneak around with him, in his bedroom? That’s nothing?”

  “He sent the Val-A-Grams; it was out of fun. And he invited me over one night because I was in a bad mood. Nothing happened. Nothing is going on. He doesn’t like me like that,” Whitney said. She wanted to go home. Now. She wanted out of the stupid gym.

  “Well you’ve got one thing right at least. He doesn’t like you like that. And he isn’t going to.”

  Just then the door opened. Whitney turned away and tried to gather herself, fighting against the tears invading the corners of her eyes.

  Jasmine leaned over to her and whispered, “EVER.” Before addressing Leif in a whole new ton
e of voice.

  “Hey little bro! I was waiting for you. Mom said to let you know to pick up pizza before you come home. She’ll call it in.”

  “Why didn’t she just text me?” Leif asked assessing the situation at hand.

  “I don’t know. She’s crazy. I gotta go. I’ll see you later,” Jasmine said cheerfully as she grabbed her stuff and headed for the door. Leif looked at Whitney, who continued to stare at the ball in her hands.

  “Bye Whit!” she called from the door like they were old friends.

  “What were you guys talking about,” Leif asked as he made his way over to Whitney.

  “Nothing. Just the tournament,” Whitney lied and flashed him a smile to make it more believable. Leif didn’t seem to buy it, but he didn’t push it further.

  They ran a few drills, with lack-luster enthusiasm and then called it quits. Whitney wasn’t feeling it and honestly she was glad the workouts were over. Leif had said they’d still see each other but she hadn’t believed it then and was okay with it now. She’d forgotten how awful the full wrath of Jasmine was and didn’t need Eva’s on top of that. She didn’t need everyone hating her more and obviously Jasmine was right, Leif wasn’t going to like her like he’d liked Eva. Ever.

  She sat in the passenger seat quietly as Leif ran in for the pizza. The one day she didn’t want to be in his car she had to be there longer than normal.

  “What’s going on with you?” he asked as they pulled away from the pizza parlor.

  “Nothing.” Whitney said. She picked up her sweatshirt drawstrings and turned them in her hands.

  “Don’t ‘nothing’ me. You’ve been off all day and now you’re quiet and playing with your strings. Something is up.”