Being Whitney (Book one of the Being Series): A Young Adult Novel Read online

  “You played pretty well.”

  “Thanks,” Whitney said. She scanned the random groups of stragglers throughout the room. Brynley and Ivy stood with James and Jesse on the floor near the student section. She’d have to say hi to them. She felt bad they’d waited. Leif stood in the bleachers with a few of his friends, including Eva and Jasmine. As she stared trying to determine if he was being nice to Eva or not he glanced her way. When he saw her looking he smiled and warmth filled her. She wanted to be with him, not here listening to her dad’s worn lecture.

  “When you get double covered underneath like that you need to pop out. And if you still don’t feel good with your jumper than you have to be working on it. You aren’t going to make it to the next level if you can only shoot underneath. Oh, and what was up with that weak pass in the third quarter. Do you ever let go of the ball unsure of yourself? Whitney! Are you listening to me?”

  “Yeah,” she said breaking her gaze with Leif, “I know. I’ve been working on the jumper. Its better but still needs some work.”

  “I’ve heard you’re working on it for weeks but you still aren’t hitting it. You still aren’t playing up to your potential. You are still letting people down. When are you going to actually fix it, not just work on it?”

  Whitney scanned the gym afraid everyone would be staring. Her mom shot him a glare, this was the tone she didn’t approve of.

  “Lets run some drills tomorrow before I leave,” he said. She knew it wasn’t a question.

  “That’d be great dad. Thanks.” She wondered if she’d ever be enough.

  “We should probably get you home,” her mom said.

  “Umm, mom, I was wondering if I could hang out with my friends for a bit first. They waited and I feel bad.”

  “What are you going to do? It’s nearly 10:00 at night.”

  “We’ll probably just go to DQ and have some ice cream. Ivy’s brother or sister can give me a ride home,” Whitney pleaded.

  “Okay, but home by 11:30. Not a second after.”

  Whitney actually had no desire to hang out with her friends, but had even less desire to go home. As she reached the group chatting on the gym floor, she heard her phone go off. She grabbed it from her backpack as she gave Jesse a hug. She felt weird doing it. She wondered what Leif thought of it. Uh. She didn’t want Leif to think something was going on with Jesse, although she knew she was a fool to think it’d matter.

  She looked at her phone. It was Leif.

  Do you have to go home?

  Brynley and Ivy were talking and she knew they thought she was listening but she hadn’t heard a word since Leif’s message arrived.

  By 11:30, she text.

  What’d you tell your mom you were gonna do?

  I told her I was going to go to DQ with my friends. I didn’t want to go home.

  How were you planning to get home?

  Whitney smiled. I said that Ivy’s brother or sister would take me home. Hahaha

  I’m sure Jasmine would love to take you home.

  Whitney cringed at the idea. What if Leif didn’t take her home? This plan was not very well thought out.

  Are you going to DQ? He asked

  “Whitney! Earth to Whitney?” Jesse waved his hand over her phone.

  Whitney pryed her eyes from Leif’s messages. “Yes Jesse,” she said.

  “Are you coming to DQ?” he asked. She could tell it wasn’t the first time he’d asked.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Did your mom leave?” Ivy asked.

  “Ummm,” Whitney fought for an answer. “I think she’s waiting for me to decide what I’m doing.”

  “As are we,” James said.

  Whitney looked back at her phone and then instinctively up at Leif, who was also looking at her. She turned back around quickly and found Ivy staring right at her.

  “I think I’m just gonna go home. My dad’s in town and I have to hang out with him early tomorrow,” she said. At this point she kind of wanted to. She didn’t know what she’d been thinking. Why would Leif take her home? They weren’t dating. They didn’t hang out. She’d just call her mom to come back.

  “Okay…” said Ivy. Her accusation burned in Whitney’s chest.

  The senior group passed by, Eva sure to give them a rather unpleasant look on her way.

  “You sure?” Jesse asked.

  “Yeah. I’m sure. Thanks though. And thanks for coming to my game,” Whitney said.

  “Yeah. For sure.”

  Whitney fumbled around in her bag like she was in search of some long lost item she needed to find until Brynley, Jesse, James and Ivy were gone. Then she pulled out her phone and text Leif back.

  No.

  So what are you doing?

  I don’t know. I’ll probably just go home.

  She felt like an idiot.

  I’m in my usual spot. Everyone else just left. Come out here.

  Whitney’s heart jumped into her throat. Was this real? She grabbed her bag and rushed outside, trying to fix her un-fixable hair at the same time.

  “Do you do this often?” He asked as she climbed into the passenger seat.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Tell everyone to leave so you are ‘stranded’ forcing the attractive upperclassman to hang out with you.”

  “Shut-up!” she said pushing his shoulder and trying to hide her extreme nerves. “You basically begged me to hang out with you.”

  “You wish!” he said. His grin was like a knife to the heart. Every time. “So what are we gonna do now?”

  “I actually don’t know,” Whitney said.

  “We can go back to my house,” he said. Whitney gave him a questioning look. “Unless you don’t want to.”

  “No. It’s not that.” She played with the drawstrings on her sweatshirt, trying to think straight

  “Jasmine and Ivy will be at DQ until 11 and everyone else is in bed,” he said. “It was just a suggestion though. We don’t have to if you’ll be uncomfortable. And I’m not trying to imply anything.”

  Whitney smiled at his nervousness. This was a turn of the tables.

  “Yeah that’s cool. As long as you’re fine with it.”

  Leif put the car in reverse and they headed out of the parking lot. Whitney felt like she should pinch herself. This had the ability to go SO wrong in so many ways, but it also, although she had no idea why or how, felt so right.

  “So, what’d your dad say?” Leif asked after a few minutes.

  “I will never make it to the next level if I can’t break the double team, get out of the key and hit the jumper, I am an idiot for making that bad pass in the third quarter and he’s tired of hearing I’m working on it but not seeing results.”

  “Oh my gosh!” Leif said, actually scaring her a bit. “You did get out and hit a couple jumpers, plus that’s like all we ever work on. And ONE bad pass? Did he miss all your boards against the giant you guarded or your 18 points?”

  “I guess so,” Whitney said. A smile crept across her face and she tried to slow her heart.

  Whitney followed Leif in the side door of his house and down the hall to his room.

  Leif kicked off his shoes and turned on Spotify. “Do you want a water or Gatorade? Maybe some food?” he asked.

  “Water would be cool,” Whitney said. She remained standing awkwardly near the door, a mix of insecurity and excitement turning her stomach into a tropical storm.

  “K, and you can sit down.”

  He brushed past her with a grin, leaving her in complete freak-out mode.

  Whitney gave a silent scream and tried to make sense of her situation. She looked around the room. There was a poster of a surfer in Hawaii above his perfectly made bed and a wall covered in sports awards and letters. Sitting on his perfectly made bed, Whitney felt her whole body shudder in anxiety. She had no idea what she was doing or why he’d asked her to come. She crossed one leg over the other, uncrossed them, kicked off her birkenstocks, quickly put them back on
again and re-did her hair twice. Boys didn’t like her, they didn’t invite her to their rooms. What did he expect to happen? The possibilities flooded her.

  “You can make yourself comfortable,” Leif said returning with two waters. Whitney nodded but didn’t move.

  “You’re probably going to get in trouble for having me over,” Whitney blurted out, regretting it before it was off her tongue.

  “From who?” Leif looked at her with absolute comfort and she yearned for some to seep into her.

  “I don’t know. Eva, Jasmine, your parents?”

  Whitney played with the drawstrings on her sweatshirt as she talked, Leif’s adorable grin only making her feel dumber.

  “Eva and Jasmine can stick it,” Leif said. “and why would I be in trouble with my parents?”

  “Because they hate me,” Whitney said.

  “No one hates you,” he said. He crawled onto the head of the bed and leaned casually against the wall, looking beautiful as he did it.

  “Your whole family does. Brynley told me,” Whitney said. She wanted to go home. This was a mistake, a train wreck.

  “Whitney,” Leif said, reaching over and putting his hand on her arm, “They don’t hate you.” He was confident, and soft, when he spoke sending a wave of emotion through Whitney.

  He scooted closer to her but moved his hand, giving Whitney back the ability to breathe. “A lot of families in Millersburg have been here forever, mine included. They take on this air of small town royalty and get upset whenever anything disrupts that ‘status.’ They have this chip on their shoulder about people from California who move here and buy huge houses. They don’t think people from California know how to work for things, or appreciate this place. This town, my family, they don’t do good with change or challenge and they see your family as both.” He paused. She didn’t know what to say. Lately she hadn’t felt like the spoiled little rich girl from California everyone pegged her as in the beginning, but her feelings obviously didn’t reflect people’s opinions.

  “I don’t though,” he continued. “I see you, and you’re beyond the drama of this stupid town and I love that.” He smiled at her, his proximity still difficult for her to handle.

  “But they don’t,” he said looking away and shaking his head. “I’m sorry about that.”

  “Who’s they?” she asked.

  “The old families. My family. Jasmine, Ivy to some degree.”

  Whitney stared at her water. All these people hated her for where she came from, and they only liked people who had been born here, something she could never change.

  “But I don’t. I want you to know that,” he said. “I’d destroy everything traditional about this town in a heartbeat most days.”

  Whitney gave him a weak smile. “Let’s not get carried away,” she said. He stared at her grinning, his eyes perfect pools of cool water.

  “Wanna watch Netflix?” he asked after a few minutes.

  “Sure,” Whitney said.

  “Hey, is something going on with you and Jesse?” Leif asked. His casual tone made the unexpected question even more unsettling.

  “We’re just friends,” Whitney said. “Why? Did he say something? Did Ivy say something?”

  “Oh, no. I was just wondering,” he said. He got up and turned off the light before climbing back up on the bed, even closer this time.

  Whitney could barely see the screen but didn’t know how to move closer without it being weird. They were already too close for this to just be a friendly gathering.

  “Can you even see over there?” Leif asked.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” Whitney lied.

  “You are not. Get over here. I don’t bite.” Leif reached his arm out and pulled on Whitney’s sweatshirt until she was almost touching him. Her breath caught and she fought to act normal while sitting on Leif Smyth’s bed, right next to him, in the dark.

  “Is your dad gonna be mean tomorrow?” Leif asked. “When you go work out?”

  “Eh. He’s tough but he isn’t mean. He wants me to succeed,” Whitney said playing with her sweatshirt again.

  Leif leaned over making their shoulders touch, “Do I make you uncomfortable?” he asked.

  “No,” Whitney fought to stay cool. “Why?”

  “You play with your drawstrings whenever you’re uncomfortable,” Leif said smiling at her, “it’s cute.”

  “I do not,” she said dropping them, “I just play with them all the time.”

  “Okay.” Leif raised his eyebrows at her.

  He hadn’t moved away and she tried, unsuccessfully, to not focus on his muscular bare arm pressed against hers.

  “Do you ever speak up to your dad? When he’s going off with ridiculous claims?” he asked.

  “No,” Whitney said. She was already playing with her drawstrings again. “He’s just trying to help. He sees potential in me. He thinks I could be good.”

  Leif turned and faced Whitney, his ivory cream cheek brushing gently against hers, as he leaned in to her ear. “You’re amazing. Just like you are.”

  He leaned back and Whitney fought the overwhelming emotions threatening to turn her cheeks into waterfalls and remind Leif of exactly how not amazing she was.

  “Where is your dad?” Whitney asked finally, desperate to change the topic. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him.”

  “He’s here now. He just spends long hours in the fields or in the shops.” Leif bit his lower lip while he thought. “My dad is really stressed about the farm and providing for all of us and my mom is stressed about my dad. We’re at the point where it’s just easier if he isn’t home very much.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. She wanted to do something to comfort him but she couldn’t bring herself to initiate more contact.

  “Oh, and you bite your lip when you’re uncomfortable,” she said in an effort to break the sadness.

  “I do not,” he said playfully pushing over onto her side.

  “That was not nice,” she said sitting back up. When she did, he reached around her shoulders and pulled her into him. She nearly died again. She wondered how many times she could nearly die in one night before she actually died.

  Leif pulled her head against his shoulder and she breathed in his smell. It was a mix of good body wash and lingering cologne. She knew this was getting complicated, but in right now she didn’t care. This was new and perfect. Everything about it felt so right and she wished to stay there forever.

  “You really are something Whitney,” Leif said into her hair.

  Whitney’s heart melted and right there, with Leif’s cheek against her head, she gave up any hope of not being completely in love with him.

  “I’m serious,” he said. “You’re amazing.”

  Then he did the unthinkable, he turned and kissed her gently on the forehead letting his lips linger there as his touch soaked into her core.

  Before she could even process the kiss, they heard a car door shut and both of them pulled apart as they jumped.

  “What time is it?” Leif asked as he searched for his phone.

  “Shit! It’s 11:12. I need to get home,” Whitney said finding her’s first.

  “Crap.”

  Just then they heard the back door open and voices quietly talking as they walked down the hall. Leif and Whitney stared at each other listening as Ivy’s door opened and closed and two voices continued. Whitney stood beside Leif’s bed in pure fear. It was Jasmine, and Eva. She looked at Leif with huge eyes. Later she’d wish she could have played it cool, but in the moment she was anything but. Leif put his finger to his mouth as he listened for the girls. Neither one moved until they heard Jasmine’s door shut.

  “I’m sorry about this, but I’m pretty sure neither one of us want to deal with where this could go,” he said. Whitney nodded, knowing her death may be near if Eva found her there.

  “K, you go first down the hall, out the door we came in and hurry to the car. I’ll be right behind you. Don’t stop if you hear anyone, just go
to the car.” Leif said. He grabbed his keys and phone and quietly opened his bedroom door for Whitney. She stepped out into the hall without even looking towards Jasmine’s room. She felt like she was back in the boy’s coast house sneaking around with Everley, although this was even scarier. Leif put his hand on the small of her back and gently led her down the hallway. Her insides tingled as soon as he did it.

  Whitney did as she was told and made it to the car without hearing a peep from either of the girls’ rooms. As she waited for Leif to get around the car and into his seat she noticed a curtain moving in one of the bedrooms and a head peeking out to the driveway. The window was too close to the door to be Jasmine’s; it had to be Ivy. She prayed it was too dark for Ivy to see her. How would she explain she had lied to them to sneak back to Ivy’s own house with her brother?

  Luckily her house was only five minutes from Leif’s and they pulled in with seven minutes to spare.

  “Thank you,” Whitney said. For the escape, for touching me, for smelling good, for liking me, for wanting to hang out with me, for being so nice, for thinking I’m good, for kissing my forehead all came to mind to finish her sentence, but she left them all unsaid.

  Leif reached over and pushed her hair back again and before Whitney could breathe from the touch he leaned over and kissed her. Gently and quickly on the lips. Then it was over.

  “Thank you,” he said.

  Whitney mumbled something about good weekend as she grabbed her bag, dropped her phone, picked her phone back up, hit her head on the door and eventually made it out of the car. And then he was gone.

  Whitney laid in her bed feeling Leif’s perfect, soft touch until she fell asleep.

  ◆◆◆

  By Saturday Whitney was going crazy with what it all meant. She just wanted to tell someone, but she couldn’t. She opened a new message to Leif at least eight times before lunch, and it would have been more had she not been working out with her dad for three hours. She wanted to ask him what was going on. If this was real. Why he’d kissed her. But as much as she wanted an answer she also feared it with all of her being. There was a real chance he’d say it’d all been a big mistake, that he’d gone back to his house and had sex with Eva all night long, that his friends had dared him to kiss her. The scenarios owned Whitney’s head all day, which genuinely pissed off her dad. She went to the workout and she did try, but they both knew she wasn’t in it 100%. Her dad called it quits after she missed her eighth free throw in a row and the look on his face was not what Whitney needed. He drove her home in silence and traded her in for Mable, who he was taking to a movie and shopping. Sometimes Whitney wished she could be the daughter he didn’t hold unrealistic expectations for.