Being Whitney (Book one of the Being Series): A Young Adult Novel Read online

“What’s going on over here?” Everley asked.

  “Leif’s here, but don’t look!” Brynley said. Whitney retrieved her ball and set back up for another shot, which she drained just as the buzzer rang announcing the end of half-time.

  “Is that bad?” Everley asked.

  “No. It’s fine. He’s here to watch Jasmine. I’m focused on the game,” Whitney said convincing neither herself nor the other two girls.

  Whitney kicked off the second half full of nerves. She missed her first three shots and made a bad pass before coach called a timeout. As she yelled at all of the girls, Whitney looked up at her dad, forcing her eyes past the Smyth clan. He was looking right at her, as she knew he would be. He raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders. Whitney could hear his voice in her head.

  “What are you doing? Is this a joke? You play great and then get some water and forget how to shoot? Figure it out. You’re letting everyone down!”

  The girls fought for the remainder of the game. With 34 seconds left the game was tied. They had the ball but fought to get anyone open. With 5 seconds to go Jasmine passed to an open Eva who stood just beyond the three point line. She took the shot and everyone held their breaths while it flew through the air, hit the rim and bounced off. Whitney fought for the rebound, won the ball and feeling the pressure of the clock, she took an off-balance shot from too far under the basket and missed. She watched the ball fall to the floor with a clud, taking her heart with it. The buzzer rang and they headed into overtime. She didn’t even dare look to the stands. Her dad would be fuming; Leif would be feeling bad for her. She didn’t need sympathy right now. She should have made that shot; she should have taken the extra half a second to step out onto her good foot. She wanted to cry. She wanted to throw a chair across the gym. She wanted to throw a chair at Eva’s face. Not only was the bitch the girl the whole town wanted to be with Leif, but she was pretty and had perfect hair and had just missed a wide open shot and made Whitney look like the one who’d blown the game, when truthfully it was Eva.

  Whitney took her fury into overtime and fought intensely for every shot she took. The other girls fought also and they pulled out an easy overtime win. Whitney scored 6 points allowing her to finish the game with a little bit of self-respect.

  Whitney’s dad left before the team exited the locker room.

  “Your dad said he’d just catch you back at the hotel,” her mom said when she saw Whitney’s puzzled look. Whitney nodded knowing that probably meant he was exceedingly angry and didn’t want to lose it in front of everyone. She wished he’d stayed. While her mom and Mable tried to cheer her up, she scanned the gym. Parents congratulated their kids. Ian had Beth wrapped in a hug as they chatted with her parents. Brynley was talking to James with a smile on her face. Whitney searched for Leif and immediately regretted it. He was standing on the edge of a mass, made up of his family and Eva’s parents and grandparents, talking to Eva. Whitney wanted to ignore them, but couldn’t make her head turn away. Jasmine joined them and Eva was laughing about something, then she playfully pushed Leif and smiled. Whitney looked at the ground.

  “Let’s get to the bus girls! We have another game tomorrow,” Coach Turner yelled from the doorway.

  “I gotta go,” Whitney said as she picked up her bag. Mable kept talking. She looked back towards the Smyths. Jasmine was hugging everyone. Eva was hugging Leif. Or was Leif hugging Eva? Eva rubbed her hand on his back as the hug lingered and Whitney headed to the bus without looking back.

  She climbed into her seat and put her head down on Everley’s shoulder.

  “Dad or Leif?” Everley asked quietly.

  “Haven’t even dealt with my dad yet!” Whitney muttered. Everley patted her head and let her stay like that for the short ride to the hotel.

  ◆◆◆

  The girls arrived back at the hotel just minutes before bed-check but when her dad grabbed her and pulled her aside he assured her that he’d approved it with the coach. Whitney assumed some promise of a future donation had been the final approval factor.

  Whitney followed him down a hall off the far side of the lobby towards empty convention rooms and sat cautiously on a bench they found in an alcove of the quiet hall.

  Her dad paced in front of her for a while struggling to find words. She knew better than to speak first so she sat silently clinching her teeth, waiting for the onslaught that she knew was coming.

  “I’m struggling, Whitney, because I spent half time of tonight’s game talking with two division one coaches who already had their eye on you. They were impressed and I was proud.”

  Whitney glanced from her dad to the intricately patterned carpet below her feet and back.

  “Then… then you come out of that locker room like a kid from this po-dunk town you’re living in. I watched as the coaches shook their heads and commented and then stopped watching you all together. RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES.”

  He got down to Whitney’s level and she looked up just long enough to satisfy him. The anger in his eyes sent icy pain down her spine.

  “RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES,” he continued “I watched our hard work go down the drain. You made so many elementary mistakes that I couldn’t even keep track of them all. There’s NO reason for you to just forget how to play like that. NONE! You’re a great player with so much talent. You have all the training and then you just go weak. I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO GO WEAK!”

  Whitney avoided eye-contact to keep her dad from seeing the tears forming in her eyes.

  “Whitney!” he shouted, forcing her to look up. “Get your shit together!”

  Whitney kept staring at the carpet thankful the hallway was long and separate from the rest of the hotel so no one else was seeing this. Not that her dad cared. He’d done this in gym after gym up and down the coast of California for years, but the people from Millersburg didn’t know that, and they didn’t need to.

  “I have put too much into you for you to throw it all away. I put my name on the line and then you play like absolute shit. I will not support that. I will not claim you when you look like that. I do not lose Whitney. Volsums do not lose. You will not lose!”

  “We didn’t lose tonight,” Whitney said going against everything she knew she was supposed to be doing right now.

  Her dad paused for a minute, caught off guard by her brazen statement. Whitney regretted it as soon as he started again, much calmer this time. “Your team did not lose, you are correct. But you did lose. You missed an EASY basket underneath that would have sealed the game. You did not play up to your potential and thus YOU did not win tonight. You, Whitney, very much did lose tonight.”

  Whitney felt every word. The tears started falling when he mentioned the stupid shot under the basket. She wanted to scream at him that Eva should have hit her shot, that it wasn’t all her fault, that they’d come back, but she didn’t, she’d learned and instead she stuffed it down with all the other things she wanted to scream at her dad.

  “We are done if you’re gonna cry like a little baby. I told you last year that I’m done with the baby shit. You aren’t a baby. I don’t have time for babies,” he said shaking his head.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. Her dad paced in front of her shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” she said again.

  “Tomorrow is another game so dry the tears, get to bed and step on the court tomorrow ready to play a full four quarters of Volsum level ball,” he said squatting down to look her in the eye. “Got it?”

  Whitney nodded again and breathed deeply as her dad headed down the hallway. When she was sure he was gone, and was unable to hold it in any longer, Whitney pulled herself into a ball on the narrow bench and sobbed. She didn’t mean to, and she certainly didn’t want to, but she couldn’t help it, the tears gushed from all parts of her eyes. She didn’t know how long she sat like that crying before she heard him.

  “Whitney?”

  The voice alone told her who it was but she left her hands over her face hoping he’d just go away, but knowing
he wouldn’t. He sat down next to her, softly, slowly wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He pulled her in and instead of ending the tears, his embrace only fueled them. Tears tumbling over her hands onto his new state basketball sweatshirt while she waited for him to say something that wouldn’t help, but he must have known because he didn’t. He just sat there, holding her, letting her shatter into a million pieces in his arms.

  When the sobbing slowed Whitney pulled away gently drying her face.

  “You played good Whitney,” Leif said gently, craning his neck so that they were eye to eye. “You are good Whitney.” He reached around and put his hand on her cheek, whipping away the last tears. The variance in his touch from her dads sent shivers through her whole body.

  Whitney felt like she needed to say something, but no words came. Instead she just stared until he leaned over and gently kissed her and it was only then that she remembered the last time she’d seen him.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, pulling away.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing,” Whitney said, suddenly feeling the full weight of the day’s events upon her. “I can’t do this right now.”

  “Can’t do what?” Leif asked brushing away a piece of Whitney’s unruly hair.

  “Nothing. It’s all nothing, and I’m playing like shit because of it, I’m going to lose everything and it’s nothing.” Whitney said. The tears started to fill her eyes again and she grabbed her bag to leave. Leif stepped in front of Whitney, blocking her exit.

  “What are you talking about?” he asked¸ holding both of her shoulders in his hands. His gentleness hit Whitney with more force than any screaming could have. She tried to form an answer but only tears came, which she cursed.

  “I don’t know,” Whitney said shaking her head.

  “Is this about Eva or your dad, or me, or something else?” Leif asked.

  “All of it,” Whitney said. She hated that he knew.

  “Eva and I are done,” Leif said. “Like done, done.”

  “There’s a giant picture of you guys in her front hall.” Whitney said staring again at the carpet; the brown and navy interlocking triangles blurring together through the tears.

  “They still have that up?” he asked stepping back in frustration. “That’s from prom last year. Ugh! That’s so annoying. Eva knows we are done. I don’t know why it’s still there.”

  “You looked pretty friendly after the game,” Whitney said.

  “When we were talking?” Leif asked.

  “And hugging,” Whitney said into the floor. She didn’t want to be this petty girlfriend when she wasn’t even his girlfriend, but it just kept coming.

  “She hugged me, and then wouldn’t get off of me.”

  Whitney nodded.

  “It’s complicated with her,” Leif said. “It’s more than me and her.”

  “So I’ve heard,” Whitney said. She was over this. She was probably going to get caught out of her room and benched for the championship game.

  “Our families are friends and our parents basically arranged our marriage years ago,” Leif said trying to explain. “But I don’t like her anymore. I’m not sure I ever really liked her. Not after spending time with you,” he said. He looked at her with pleading eyes while Whitney tried to digest his words.

  “But I’ll never truly be good enough.”

  The words slipped out of Whitney barely above a whisper.

  “For who?” Leif said.

  “For anyone,” Whitney said. The truth stung more than ever.

  “Whitney, that is so not true. You are good enough, you’re too good for me,” Leif said. “And as far as your dad goes, he’s a freaking idiot. What just happened was not encouraging or helpful.”

  Whitney wanted to believe it but she didn’t know what to believe anymore.

  “He just wants me to be perfect and that expectation has become so encompassing. I’m always wondering if every little thing I do is right or okay or helpful to my game.” She paused, she hadn’t ever talked about her dad with anyone, but for some reason the words continued flowing. “It’s the reason my parents split up. I’m the reason my parents split up. My dad pushed me through all of spring ball. We worked so hard and then during the championship game of the final tournament I messed up and lost the game for us. Afterwards I hid in the locker room for two hours. How sad is that? Two hours I hid in there just because I knew he’d be so mad. My mom told my dad that I couldn’t handle the pressure anymore and my dad told her if I couldn’t handle that pressure I’d never succeed at anything.”

  “Was he mad? When you finally came out?” Leif asked.

  “He was even madder. He yelled at me, first for being a coward and hiding, and then for my performance in the game. He lectured me the whole way home, and then made me stay up shooting on our court until two in the morning.”

  Leif looked away and Whitney couldn’t read him. She began freaking out. She shouldn’t have told him.

  Then, he leaned in slowly and kissed Whitney on the forehead.

  “It is not okay for him to pressure you like that. You DO NOT deserve to be treated that way.”

  Whitney’s chest absorbed his words, so pure and honest in a way that words rarely were in her world.

  “Thank you,” she said. She didn’t believe it, but she appreciated he did.

  Whitney’s phone went off. It was Everley. She checked the time; it was almost 11:00.

  “Shoot, it’s late. I need to go.”

  “I’ll walk you up,” Leif said.

  As they headed down the hall Leif reached for Whitney’s hand with a grin. Whitney let him take it.

  When they reached her door she turned to face him. “Thank you,” Whitney said.

  Leif stood in front of her, just far enough away not to touch her. His smell surrounded her as she fell into his endless eyes.

  “You are phenomenal Whitney. On the court and off,” Leif said.

  Leif stepped even closer and placed his hands on either side of her face, which led to her legs nearly giving out, and then he kissed her. She placed her hands on his waist, closed her eyes and kissed him back. He pulled away and she couldn’t stop the smile from covering her face.

  “You really are,” he said.

  “Kill it tomorrow. Don’t let both of our extra workouts be for nothing.”

  “They weren’t for nothing either way, but I will try,” Whitney said.

  Leif leaned in and kissed her again, lingering. She tried to soak it in without freaking out. Finally he pulled away quickly. “I need to go or I might do this all night.”

  “Okay,” was all Whitney could say. She fished out her door key and after five attempts she got it in the door correctly. “Night.”

  Whitney stumbled into the room and collapsed into the hotel comforter without a word.

  “Where have you been?” Everley asked from her bed breaking Whitney’s trance.

  “Please tell me you haven’t been hanging out with Leif looking like that,” Brynley said looking Whitney up and down. Whitney shot her a glare but then sat up and glanced at her reflection in the large mirror on the opposite wall.

  “Oh my gosh!” Whitney said shaking her head at herself.

  “You were with Leif?” Everley asked.

  “I knew I looked bad, but not this bad.” Whitney said leaning back into the pillows.

  “Well, I guess now you know he really likes you,” Brynley said.

  “Why?” Whitney asked.

  “Because he hung out with you looking like that!”

  Everley giggled, “It’s kinda true.”

  “Thanks guys!” Whitney said.

  “Are you gonna tell us what happened?” Everley asked.

  “After those comments, NO!”

  Whitney stormed off for a shower, leaving the girls sweating it out. When she got out they were both still waiting.

  “Will you please tell us what happened?” Everely said turning on her sweet side. Whitney crawled
into bed and then told them the simple version of the last couple hours.

  “He really likes you!” Everley said.

  “It honestly sounds like he does!” Brynley agreed. Their confirmation sped up Whitney’s heart. It did seem like this was real. She fell asleep praying the dream would still be reality tomorrow.

  ◆◆◆

  When she woke the next morning it took a second for Whitney to remember what had occurred the night before. With eight hours to separate her from his touch everything seemed much less realistic, but she didn’t have time to stress about it. They had a championship game to play.

  Whitney played a fantastic game, the rest of her team did not. No one was on besides her and Brynley, who coach put in during the third quarter because everyone else sucked. Whitney scored a season high 23 points and shut down the other team’s highest scoring player. Unfortunately their other players stepped up, while Whitney’s team did not. The bulldogs lost the championship game by five. All three seniors immediately broke into tears. Whitney should have felt bad for them, but honestly her first thought was to worry if this would make Leif feel like he had to be nice to Eva. She felt kind of bad for thinking it, but still did.

  After their post-game talk the girls filed back out into the gym to their waiting friends and family. Whitney made a b-line for her family collapsing into her dad’s open arms.

  “Good fight out there kiddo. You did really well. This loss isn’t on you,” he said. Whitney soaked up every bit of it. She loved when he thought she’d played well.

  “Thanks dad,” she said.

  She gave a quick round of hugs to her family and then bounced down the bleachers towards Brynley and Everley. She’d refused to think about what last night meant, if it meant anything, but suddenly it was all right in front of her.

  “Did Leif say anything to you?” Brynley asked.

  “No, I was talking to my parents and now he’s talking to Eva and Jasmine,” Whitney said glancing over his way.

  “So what is going on with you guys? Are you guys together? Not together but people can know? Is it still a secret thing? Everley asked, verbalizing all of the questions swirling in Whitney’s head.